Doubt that leads to fear

 Last week I talked about doubt. Among other things it is a source in our lives for the questioning of faith that we all need to have in our search for God's presence in our hearts. Just as with many things though doubt is two sided and last week I briefly spoke about the danger of self doubt. This week gives us the opportunity to look at the darker side of doubt and where that might lead. All of the Gospel stories of the resurrection contain elements of doubt that are handled in various ways. Last week, we heard John's story and this week it is the turn of Luke. In Luke's handling of doubt it is important to understand that Christ appears to criticise the presence of doubt in the disciples (Lk. 24:38b). Why, if we need doubt does Christ then criticise this feeling in the disciples?

Doubt if not allowed to move towards the positive need to query and investigate will descend into the festering hole of fear. Unless, hope is present as we quest for answers then the answers we seek will be obscured by our fear, which is enabled by doubt. Fear leads us towards the darker recesses of our humanness and encourages us to create our own answers that lead to depravity and a denial of our neighbours. It is our fear that drives the divide between those who our different as we fear that the difference may overwhelm us and make us also different. Science fiction, just like any other genre of fictive writing, can nudge our understanding of this phenomena if we allow it. In a series, by  author Michael Anderle, a very different world to our present one is described. However, what is clear in this particular series is the exaggeration that comes with fear of the other and how humanity can be driven clearly away from the love of neighbour. The fear that is present is driven by doubt and is clearly exploited by the books antagonists to rule over the population. In some respects these last few years have also shown how easy it is to manipulate a populace using the tools of doubt and fear.

Fear builds walls when we succumb to doubt 

Christ challenges the doubt that the disciples feel in Luke's gospel to move them away from the fear that underlies their doubt. In all the Gospels that fear is prevalent and is overcome with the coming of the risen Christ. Yet, the harbinger of fear, doubt, is also present and in later years rears its head in many ways but can be seen most clearly in the removal of women from the leadership and power positions within the growing community. This is in reality just a symptom as underlying the symptom is the actual problem that of power and authority to influence others. Christ influences others in such a manner that their natural tendencies are overwhelmed, so that they come to understand love and the need to integrate power and authority within the community. This naturally means that all may share in the boundless love that comes from Christ. But what happens when we give in to our doubt and allow our fear to dominate. Then we set our hearts on the world as John states in his letter (1 Jn 2:15). In doing so we submit to our fears and turn away from that which calls for courage and questioning to find the way forward in faith.

Our natural tendency has always been to be ruled by our fears and thus succumb to doubt rather than be challenged to change by our doubt. In our fear we grab for what is available to us and more often then not that means grabbing and holding on to what the world gives to us. In doing so we are tantalised by the promise of more and more and thus forget that we travel with companions. In forgetting those that are around us we forget to give love and see those around us solely as means to attain our goals and our needs. So as to overcome our fears by ridding ourselves of that which challenges us. This is what the world asks of us; that we remove all obstacles and difference from our path to power and authority, no matter how small or great that is. Christ calls us not to succumb to the world but to cast aside our fears and allow our doubts to fuel our faith. It is only through the love that God displays that we are able to reach out over that which divides to ensure that we form the family of God in the community. Once we can let go of the fears that our doubt allows to grow, fears that are only fears of ostracisation as opposed to the inclusion that comes with love.

Doubt is part of our lives

 The place of doubt in Christian life has always taken front seat in the days following Easter as we read about the doubts of Thomas the Apostle (John 20.19ff). This is an obvious doubt that is easily recognisable. This is the doubt that states "I do not believe you." and then it is up to others to prove the case. Yet, there is another form of doubt that we do not talk about much but is even more harmful then the doubt that is displayed by Thomas. In fact, Thomas' doubt is perhaps beneficial because we can see ourselves and the resolution of our doubts in Christ. Unseen self doubt decreases our worth in our own eyes and thus our belief of peoples opinions and society in general often sending us into a spiral of despair.

Whilst similar to Thomas in that it is doubt in what has been said, in this case about oneself, it is not so easily overcome by the use of a simple proof test. In entering into new life at Easter we should die to our sins and leave them behind at the foot of the cross. What we often do is surreptitiously pick them up again as we proceed away from the cross. This then becomes part of our denial of ourselves and of our brokenness that is spoken about in 1 John (1.10). The very act of picking up that which we dropped at the foot of the cross breaks us once more. We believe that we have put it behind us but are in actuality carrying it.  We then say that we are without sin whilst hauling the baggage of our sin behind us like an enormous snail. In leaving those things that we have burdened ourselves with at the foot of the cross means that they should stay there. However, our self doubt makes us return and pick up those things that have comforted us on our journey thus far.

Are you a light in the darkness?

It is this self doubting of our worth and our ability to be loved by God that directs us to pick up the burdens of our prior life. The difficulty of course is obvious, how do you encourage someone who doubts themselves? The Gospel faith that Christ asks of Thomas and all others is a small clue towards our healing and redemption. It is in Acts that we find the final answer for ourselves (Acts 4.32-37). This story of the early community that was the body of Christ demonstrates where our burgeoning new life needs to be present. It is outwards towards the formation of community not inwards towards ourselves. We begin new life in community and in the presence of others as we saw on Good Friday. In turning inwards towards ourselves we begin the process of self doubt and believe ourselves not worthy enough. Here Thomas's interaction with Christ should be giving us the confidence to trust in God and allow Christ's presence to flow into our lives.

If we are to build a new community as reflections on Good Friday suggest then that community begins in trust. Trust in God / Christ that our previous inhibitions and burdens have been taken from us; trust in our companions in Christ that they are walking with us along the way; trust in ourselves that we are adult enough to ask for God's presence and the assistance of our companions when things get tough. It is only then that our lights lit by Christ at Dawn on Easter day will glow in the darkness of the world. In building ourselves and our communities in this light we begin to brighten the world around us until we become like the dawn fire of Easter giving light to those who are in darkness around us, lifting them up from their self doubts into the confidence of Christ's presence in their lives. This is the change that Christ brings the change that we are often so fearful of, a change that we cannot and do not recognise as Christ walks alongside us until we cast away our doubts into the fire of Christ's love.

Outward or inward passion

 Palms waving in the crowds to welcome one who was to come or at least that is what we celebrate today. There is a certain amount of passion within the crowds on this occasion as the Christ enters into the final week centred around Jerusalem. However, there is more to it than just the passion of an unruly and supportive crowd as we also have the reading of the 'Passion' in the garden just prior to the Christ's arrest and subsequent trial. The passion that is faced is different to that which comes with the crowds and is more personal to the journey to the cross. In this passion the individual suffers under the strain themselves with little to no support from the crowds. It is a storm of doubt and faith that rages within the heart and mind of the individual. So which passion should we develop within ourselves or is it both that we need to look at.

The Passion of the crowd can genuinely be taken as a demonstration of political intent to foster and formulate change within the heart of society. This passion can be clearly seen in the political demonstrations that we see almost on a daily basis. The reason for the protest changes each day or each season depending on the issue being faced. For some years now the mainline churches has stood behind the Palm Sunday march with some passion initially but one often wonders whether these become traditions with no meaning. The reason I suggest this, is not a result of not being in favour of such things but to question the passion inherent in a tradition that appears not to make much change to society. The original procession of passion was to welcome a prospective change that occurred at the end of the week. It was symbolically challenging the arrival at the other end of the city of secular authority and oppression which resulted in death and the risen-ness of life eternal. If the protest does not evoke passion but a stale sense of 'lets do it again for fun' then we must find some other form of procession and protest to invoke the passion of society.

Faith is driven by internal passion not external

For those who follow Christ perhaps it is not the passion of the crowds that we should be emulating but rather the passion that follows in the garden. This is a passion that is more difficult to understand and is thus a neglected path when we think about this day. The crowd is fickle as it is easily turned and this is not the passion that we should be harbouring in our hearts but rather the passion of Christ that enables our acceptance in the darkest of hours. There are a number of Christian mystics and those whom we admire who talk about the dark night of the soul. This is the struggle that we ourselves have with faith. Doubt and despair accompany us on this journey and often we see the church as being against us and not with us on this desperate journey. Christ in the garden is presented with choices that he knows will end in death or reduce everything to mundanity. He wishes for those who are with him to support him on tis journey but they are overwhelmed so do not see his anguish and suffering.

We ourselves are often in the same position with our own faith decisions and our own life decisions. We feel neglected and without the support that we so desperately desire. At times we alleviate this by turning our passion into fleeting outward expressions rather than attempting to cope with them or bring them before God in the anguish of the moment. For Christians as we approach this week we need to submerse ourselves in this inner turmoil so that in the end we come out in newness of life as the darkness falls away at the dawn of a new reality.

Command or coaxing

 In looking at the covenant that God makes with the Israelites we can see that it is one that is dependant on a command situation. In this case we are looking at God laying down commandments that need to be obeyed. In a somewhat similar view to a government laying down the law. The instruction comes from above and if there is any disobedience then you are punished for such disobedience. The command structure, like the armed forces, must be obeyed. It is open to interpretation and human intervention. This changes with Jeremiah (31.31-34) as God now suggests that his commandments will no longer be imposed from without but will reside within. This means that the struggle to be more like God is not a question of following the rules but rather one of interpreting them for ourselves and living into them. The legal beagles no longer have to interpret the jargon of God but we ourselves have to live as if God was with us. The gap between interpreter and the interpreted no longer exists as we become the responsible party.

This view is emphasised as Christ becomes the incarnated one and the word becomes flesh. In John's Gospel, a voice his heard from heaven, as a sign to those present (Jn 12.28-30) yet misheard as thunder or mistaken for angelic voices.  It is as if the people were not used to hearing directly from God as in the days of Moses.  Direct intervention into our lives is something of the past but with God's pedagogic change from direct instruction to a more subliminal instruction of the heart this is to be expected.  This change from an authority figure that directs instruction to one that coaxes our hearts towards obedience is not one that we have totally accepted within our faith lives. We are often still reliant on the authority figure to pass on their perceptions rather than allow the gentle instruction of God's presence to take root in our hearts and soften them into love of those around us.  Even our education systems struggle with these concepts and on how best to have students learn so that they can move forward into their lives expanding their own knowledge and abilities whilst encouraging others.

Do we follow our hearts to God or do we have to be ordered?

The change that God encompasses is from an almost authoritarian stance to one that encourages our own encompassing of love within our own hearts. A move from a junior school scenario where what the teacher says is true to a more adult or andragogic understanding of exploration of our own hearts to find God's ultimate presence expressed in our love for others.  This move is likened by the writer of the Hebrew's letter explaining that babies are fed milk while more substantial food is reserved for adults (Heb.5.13-14).  In our own ways we occasionally need the direction as a child needs boundaries set but it must eventually give way to our own growth and exploration.  Should we transgress the boundaries in adulthood then we must suffer the consequences of our transgression.  Such consequences are found in our falling away from community and the love of a community around us that supports us through our lives.

By building on the love of God and the acceptance of the other into our lives we begin to re-orientate ourselves in terms of our communal responsibilities and the presence of God in our lives.  This may mean that we step back towards childhood and require re-direction and the sustenance of milk and authority figures, but God is forever changing and guiding us in our own need to change.  It is when we become stuck in the ruts of our own imaginations that we begin to fall away from relationship and God's presence.  Let us perceive ourselves more as adults that enjoy God's lure into a changing future that evolves with our growing community and love.

Wisdom of the world or of God

 The snake is a fascinating concept both as a symbol and as an actual entity within the pages of religion throughout the world. No matter where in the world we land up the snake or a snake-like being is associated with the mythopoetic world of the area. It can be seen to represent both good and evil, wisdom and foolishness, death and life. In the Judaeo-Christian realm the snake is associated with the darker side of humanity, either as a rather cheap trickster in Genesis or the full blown incarnation of evil in the personification of Satan. So whilst the obvious symbology of the conquest of evil can be seen in the bronze serpent of Moses  (Num 21:9) and Christ being similarly lifted high it would perhaps be foolish if we were not to pay heed to some of the alternative possibilities.

In the story from Numbers the bronze snake acts not as something that is evil in the traditional Judaeo-Christian sense but rather as a means of healing and thus for good. So, if we become stuck on the imagery of evil then we miss something in the story of the serpent. Interestingly there is an entwining of meanings in the serpent especially as we dig into some of the early Christian writings particularly Ambrose. Worldly wisdom is often represented by the serpent and a derivative formation, sapienta, and so the bronze serpent is seen as the personification of wisdom in its most ancient of forms. Worldly wisdom often leads to our own downfall as we are bitten by the snake of greed and avarice but seeking the wisdom of God we see this as being raised up beyond our understanding. In looking towards God's wisdom we come to our senses and are 'healed' so as to be able to follow God in the larger sense.

The healing staff is full of God's wisdom and not the wisdom of the world

Those afflicted with the wisdom of the world do not necessarily see the truth that God holds up but are rather discombobulated by the truth. One could say that Nicodemus was wise in the world's wisdom and to a certain extent within the wisdom of God. However, the wisdom of the world was clearly the favoured wisdom as he struggled with what God was doing. Christ in explaining God's message to Nicodemus expects him to know what he is talking about and is disappointed with his response (Jn 3.1-21). In particular Christ points out that God's presence in the world brings the light of truth but in its wisdom the world does not seek the truth but avoids the truth as it exposes wrongful deeds (Jn. 3.19-21). 

We can see that this process is played out on a daily basis within our own country and within the world even today. Any sense of truth portrayal is scorned as it highlights our own irresponsibility in the world and our own pettiness. We are so very easily led away from the truth and allow others to create the truths of the world for us. Christ's words discombobulate our own lives because they are so often the opposite of what we expect from our own reading of the world and our own interpretation of what we think God wants from us. In our lives we tend to rely on our own wisdom, the wisdom of the cunning snake. This enables us to bring sense to the world around us and thus enables us to live in a sense of false security. We are enabled to ignore God's voice within our lives a voice that pesters us to live in a manner that is contrary to the modern world. A wisdom that asks us to upset the general self satisfaction that is created by the wisdom of this world to open ourselves up to the ridicule of many for reaching out and enabling those who are ostracised in community.

The work that God enables us to undertake is the work that we do not receive reward for (Eph. 2.8-9) which is contrary to the world's wisdom. Our reward is not financial but rather the good grace of God that fills our lives with the knowledge of love. It is this knowledge that enables us to step forward in Godly wisdom to heed the concerns of the downtrodden and highlight the truth in the eyes of the world rather than masking the unwanted revelations which destroy the edifices of falsehood that we have built based on the foundations of irresponsibility. Christ encourages us to speak out in truth based on love and to build our lives around sincerity and honesty rather than hiding behind falsity.

A freedom not realised

 We try to obey specific laws to keep us on the path of righteousness and Godly life. Just, think about it a minute. All we do is obey laws. If we do not we are given punishment or are ostracised from society as a result of going against the grain of societal laws and normalcy. Interpretation of scripture being what it is means that everyone has an opinion but often it is a political decision as to which opinion is of importance. The same can be said for the Christian church as each denomination holds various interpretive view points and in Anglicanism this often devolves down to the classical split between Liberal and Conservative thinkers. In Roman's, Paul suggests that when there is law it is natural that it will lead to the law being broken (Rom 4:15) for if there is no law there is nothing to break. The law is there to provide a boundary and those that go beyond that boundary go beyond what God has ordained. However, the interpretation of the boundary is a political matter and one of legal interpretation, which is up to the person doing the interpreting.

The covenant is not a law but rather a promise between two or more people. God covenants with Abraham and Sarah changing their names at the same time (Gen 17:1-). The basis of the promise is not a basis that is set in law but in faith keeping. There is no boundary set as each party places their faith in the other to uphold the agreement. The idea that there are no limiters on what is required means that each person within the covenant must make up their own minds as to what to do. They are not forced by law and then have to break the law to find expression. They are required by the covenant to do what is right in the eyes of God without a boundary. What then stops us from doing that which is not correct in the eyes of God? Nothing. But there again if we are wishing to do that which is not right a simple law is not going to stop us as we know from those that do just that on a continual basis.

A handshake that releases the boundaries

So what makes us maintain the covenant or even want to continue to do what is right? In reality it is the consequences of our maintaining the covenant with Christ. We pick up the crosses of our own making and attempt to bring what is right into being. There is no rule or law that constrains our actions only our conscious decision to follow God and Christ in a promise. The consequences of our actions whether good or bad are felt in the community. Consequences that are bad may attract the civil rule of law and the approbation of our neighbours. We turn from God and find ourselves on the outside of love. We become isolated and alone unable to connect fully with those around us. In obeying our promise and holding to what we have said we will undertake we become surrounded by the love that is God and encapsulated within the community that is God's love. 

Christ rebukes Peter in Mark's gospel for challenging what Christ is about to undertake (Mk 8:32-33). In not taking on faith, Peter sticks to the law and tries to argue that Christ's way is against the law. What Peter does not know is that to take the way of faith is a much greater cross to bear than the cross that enables our keeping the law. It is a much more difficult thing to maintain our faith than it is to maintain that which has been given to us in black and white. Because the covenantal promise is such a nebulous thing we are more easily side tracked into doing something that is against it than we are when we are confronted with the black and white law. The law is an easy excuse for us, it is something we can point at. I am sure that Peter had a number of arguments in terms of the Jewish law which he used, not that we are told, but Christ immediately tells him to not bother in no uncertain terms. The devil is in the details or so the saying goes. Once we start with law we begin to open up all sorts of detail to argue over. The simplicity of faith is that there is only one thing to be concerned about and that is our promise before God.

Our faith has been split into a multiplicity of denominations with a multiplicity of interpretations which has as we all know driven the world apart. If we were but to stick to one faith that of obeying God and keeping his covenant made to us through Christ, no interpretation needed. What can be simpler, love God and love our neighbour? The scriptures guide us towards living as Christ, it is our interpretation that creates what we deem to be law and thus create division. It is the consequences of leaving the covenant that should concern us for only when we begin to become like Christ will we begin to bear the burden of faith to the fullest.

Beginnings start in endings

 We have begun our journey towards the cross. We have made the decision to follow Christ and journey with him towards the cross. So why do we turn back to the very beginning of Christ's journey (Mk. 1:9-15) rather than face forward towards the journey that is Lent? There is I suppose a dual answer here, the simple one being that we need to understand the start before we can begin the journey. Perhaps, more importantly it is a reminder as we begin our journey that we have to face the past as much as the future that Christ brings. It is this second that for us is something that we need to delve into in more depth. So instead of starting at the beginning of Christ's journey we need to start at the new beginning of the end of Noah's journey (Gen. 9:8-17).

All new beginnings start at the end of something. The covenant (the first one) between God and humankind was made at the end of the flood. It denoted a new start for humanity with Moses and his family as the starting point or at least the imaginary starting point. It can be seen as the tale continues it is reasonable to say that there are others from around the world but Moses is the archetype for us. The covenant marks a new beginning where God withholds his wrath and makes a promise to us that we will never suffer the same devastation as has just occurred. However, the scene prior to the establishment is the scene of import as in this scene the details are spelled out as to how we should live (Gen. 9:1-7). All covenants with God contain that detail and we need to remember that  before we celebrate the making of the covenant and the rainbow pointed at God.

Where do we begin our journey?

In beginning our beginning of Lent we are also directed to Christ's beginning in the desert (Mk. 9:12-15). The temptations of Christ are not elucidated within Mark's gospel, which means that we are allowed to use our imagination to determine what those temptations are. Matthew and Luke outline three in detail but over forty days there are many temptations that we can think of that might occur. All the temptations would perhaps be in the way of our own needs rather than the needs of others. These are the foremost temptations for us and all humans living in the world. The temptations are an ever expanding list in today's world which Luke and Matthew succinctly categorise into three broad groups corresponding to the hierarchy of needs: Food, Power and Fame. We can however think of many more that fall outside of these main categories.

Christ comes out of the desert experience of temptation to begin the proclamation of the Gospel in place of John who has been arrested. Lent is for us an entering into that same desert experience to quell our inner demons and to lay to rest our temptations. The temptations are not the problem, the problem is our response to the temptation and its consequences in our lives. This is where we need to seek repentance as we journey to the cross. It is the understanding that as a person Christ withstood the many temptations without the detrimental move of taking the easy route. We also can do this as well, as we remind ourselves were we have succumbed. In recognising our own faults we can turn to God in the road to repentance and ask for God's continued presence in our lives.

If our decisions towards temptation comes with the consequence of turning from God then there is also a consequence to repentance. Not just in our relationship with God but also our relationship with our neighbours. No matter how much we have sinned against God in doing so the consequences have truly been with our relationships to our neighbour. In turning back in reconciliation, metanoia, we turn back to our neighbour and begin to right the wrong relationships that have resulted as a consequence of our temptations. In bringing back right relationship to our neighbour we begin once more to build the community of God. A community that is based on love and seeks justice with peace within our hearts and minds. This is the journey we have embarked on.