Stop...Pray...Think...Speak

How many people have we, each of us, hurt with the use of our tongues? Speech as the letter to James is extraordinarily clear about, can so easily harm our neighbours (James 3.1-12). We react with a verbalisation quicker than we can process the effect our words will have on those around us. I have spent a greater portion of my life being shown the error of my ways for it is not only what we say but it is also the tone in which we say it or the attitude in which we deliver it or the silent communication that attends it. I spend a whole session with prospective couples prior to their marriage delving into this aspect of a true partnership Communication upsets whilst sometimes due to an obvious irresponsible word is more often than not a result of our inability to understand the effects of all our other communications have on the words we use.

Whilst James rightly spends time on the role of the spoken word, there are other dimensions of communication that affects what we say that need to be seriously considered. Proverbs can be seen as being rather misogynistic there is at the end of the book some valued words that need to be attended to not only, as implied by the text, by women but also by everyone without exception (Prov. 31.26, 30). We concentrate very hard on an acknowledge our skills in the verbal arena. Thus, when Proverbs praises the wife who opens her mouth to speak wisdom this should be our goal as well. Yet if we do utter wisdom we sometimes utter it in a manner that is unbecoming of the God we hold sacred. We use our ability to shower scorn on others by changing our tone and our non verbal communications so that the good words we speak become the words of destruction. Yes, we need control of what we say but we also need control of how we say it. This is the true measure of wisdom in our language and our lives.

It is not only our tongue that becomes overheated

In our speech we tend to forget that we have other ways of communicating and more often than not it is our non-verbal communications that constantly create the challenges that we find in life. How many times have I wonder, we heard the cliche from an grieved person "I didn't say anything wrong". We scratch our heads and nod wisely when we actually hear the words agreeing that yes they did not say anything wrong. The issue is in how or in what manner that they stated the innocuous words. We can say I love you in so many different ways that some are loving and others convey our utter distaste. Children say what they mean without any form of or degree of attitudinal change as this is a learnt behaviour. Sometimes the learning is unconscious as this is how they obtained what they wanted and were not chastised as a youngster. However, when we begin to acknowledge that we need to be aware of non verbal communication we can begin to correct our own behaviours as well as those around us. We need to mirror the attitude of the young child with their innocence rather than manipulate to obtain what we want through tone, and misplaced attitudes.

In participating in an act of communication we need to be aware that all our ways of conveying information are open to abuse. We just need to look at the Evangelical Christian voice as they criticise the Graham dynasty to see how easy gaffes create issues. In receiving others as a young child we welcome the unconditional love which is God's and begin to convey it to those in our community, we begin to prove our words by the wisdom and action of our hearts. It is not just the sleight of hand produced by our tongues. In controlling our communication we are more able to convey God's love and the Christ that lives within us.